Since I've created this blog over a year ago, I've written exactly one post... I feel deeply shameful about not taking the time to really write my life down, but I have also learned to accept that, sometimes, life just happens. It simply flies by and you are unable to take control, find peace and write down your thoughts. To be fair, it has been quite a year. 2020 has proved to be thee most bizarre year in my 27 years of life and I assume the weirdest for everyone - besides the rich - living in this moment. This year will be written in the history books and we will need to explain to our grandchildren that it was just a year that was and we had lost. We will say that there were glimmers of hope but we mostly viewed the world as one huge joke. We will say when the year began we were shocked by wild fires and a creepy pandemic. We were panicked. As the months passed, the world was introduced to something new each month - if you can believe that - and each month was absolutely outlandish. Im sure if there was no proof to our words, one would think we were crazy story tellers. Our kids and our kid's kids will have the proof, and they will see what we went through. Each event that transpired should have shocked us, but we'll tell our grandchildren it was 2020, it just kept getting worse and we were definitely not shocked. We were numb, desensitized by the years events. Maybe we were angry by it. Right now as I write this, I learned that Chadwick Boseman, our Black Panther, passed away the day before from colon cancer. It was a shock, but we all justified it by it being 2020. "What a fucking year", we will say.
In the mist of a Global pandemic, I moved across the country from California to Connecticut with my partner. He was accepted into grad school at the University of Connecticut and I just wanted to begin again. We packed our bags, loaded up a POD, hopped into his truck and drove off east. We decided to camp most of the way. A total of six days camping. While it was fun and the places we stopped in were truly breath taking, I was overwhelmed by stress. I became irritable. We were heading into the unknown, far away from both and all of our comforts back home in California. I was scared about getting there and it not being the right place for us. I was saddened and angry as we pushed through several middle states. Fuck Trump. No one was wearing masks and people were gathered in indoor restaurants. I was simply baffled. So we pushed through. Drove 12 hours from South Dakota straight to Chicago to see familiar faces. I was exhausted by this point. Exhausted from the camping, from driving, from the roller coaster of emotions I was dealing with and from all the change. We arrived in Chicago greeted by our beautiful friends and showered right away. We hadn't had a real shower in a week. It was soooo nice. While we were there, my shoulders relaxed a tiny bit. I had to keep reminding myself that a trip like this was exactly what we aspire to do: travel. It was nice to see the country I've lived in for 27 years and have never explored and I know there is more to come, more to explore. We departed Chicago and decided that we would book hotels the rest of the way to Connecticut. This was obviously nerve racking due to the pandemic. I cleaned everything, used hand sanitizer as lotion basically. Only joking, but I was scared. I really didn't want to get COVID but I was also unable to camp any longer and on top of that, it rained the whole way from Chicago to Connecticut.
We finally arrived in our new state, our new home 2 weeks after being on the road. I was still a mess of emotions. My partner was as well and our relationship was definitely a little rocky for the first couple of weeks. So much was happening. So much change and I don't think we were sufficiently prepared. After multiple breakdowns from me, we finally sat down and had a few talks about how we just need to get adjusted to this new place, to our new schedules and whatnot. The talks we had made everything much better. It was that simple. Simple and constant communication was the key. This really got me thinking about my issues, insecurities, personality, essentially all aspects of me and how I need to work on me more so our relationship doesn't suffer. We've been on this crazy long, exciting and stressful adventure together for which I am immensely grateful. But for as long as I can remember Ive dealt with depression and anxiety and a lack of understanding for my own emotions and I needed to take control. If I wanted this new journey to be successful, I needed to better understand me. I need to find ways to create a happier and well balanced lifestyle if I really want a new beginning.
This is what this blog will morph into: Lifestyle Changes. Look out for another, newer introduction. To new new beginnings!
- J
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